btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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