I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
