things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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