how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
