Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
