Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Thank you for not boning my boss.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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