she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
