Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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