Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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