My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
