do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
