I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
