My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
