Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
