Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
