What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
