No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
