Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
