Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
