hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
my god I love twenty year old dicks
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
