We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
