You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
