if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
