If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
