It's like God shit irony all over that family
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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