Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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