Did you just see the Batmobile???
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
There r osticjed everywhere
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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