i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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