I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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