I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Randomize
