Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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