We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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