Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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