I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
