hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
