i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
if only i could text you this smell
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
