my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
