I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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