just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
being pregnant is like rehab
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
