Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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