it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
