Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
