my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
