i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
