I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
