Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
