At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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