i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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