Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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