i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
