Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
