around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
