Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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