3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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