Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
