Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
